I made my first video diary. Can’t figure out how to upload it though. And I’ve been lying in bed almost all day. Crippled with anxiety. After I finish writing here, I promised myself I’ll go on one last walk. It’s a beautiful day in Hawaii. It’s my last long walk to the botanical gardens- or anywhere- for some time.

We packed everything. I have an old pillow wrapped in a new pillowcase, but if there’s dust mites, they can’t get through a new pillowcase right.

We have so many peas. And only 36 freezie pops. I’m not sure if I will make it. So many goddam peas. Frozen peas, canned peas, French peas. Peas. Peas. Peas. Just 4 cold beers.

Am I punishing myself? Is this trip a huge mistake? Is it too late? …..am I punishing myself for my recent huge lapse of discipline so I’m doing a full turnabout in an imprisoned cell on the ocean?